If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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