I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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