If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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