You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
