All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
