I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
