My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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