Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize