I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
