Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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