video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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