i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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