I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
