i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize