woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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