It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
