Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
