At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize