then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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