i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize