Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize