I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize