My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
