I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
