dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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