THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
