bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
