so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were trust falling into bushes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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