I should be sponsored by Trojan
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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