Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
