i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
