it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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