I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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