girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
