i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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