Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
