so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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