Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
