I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize