I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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