dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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