would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Duck Duck Cougar?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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