well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
