I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
