You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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