Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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