she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
