"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
