I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
