It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
