trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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