The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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