none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
