Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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