you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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