I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
