so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
