walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize