MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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