I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
