Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
