I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
