Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
