You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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