drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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