I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
