did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
