you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im about as happy as oj after his trial
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
