john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I still have a little drunk in my system
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
